While I was a girl in the 70s, I had a little 45 record player in my room that I would play my favorite tunes (Partridge Family, Jackson 5, Monkees, and of course, Bobby – cool girl that I was! LOL) and I’d listen to his records over and over. It didn’t hurt that he had guest starring roles on all of my favorite shows: Partridge Family, Here Come the Brides, and the Monkees. He did a lot of guest starring roles, and as a young kid I didn’t quite get the gist of what that meant. So when I’d see him on a show, I assumed he’d always be on it. The next time I would turn in, I’d be disappointed when he wasn’t on. But get this, I had this poster in my room of Bobby that I would kiss every night before I went to sleep. I also had this 45:

that I would kiss every time I played it.

The thing about Bobby Sherman, is that he just seems so darn sweet. He still looks good. My gosh, does he ever. He was on the Rosie O’Donnell Show a few years ago, and he was very charming and even sang “Easy Come, Easy Go.”

Here is the original version. Check out the groovy shirt:

Here’s a clip from Here Come the Brides, which is fun because it also includes a pre-Starsky and Hutch David Soul:

Here he is on The Partridge Family:

Here’s another fun fact, and what makes me love this dude even more. He built a 1/5th scale model of Main Street Disneyland in his backyard. Here he is talking about it in 1985:

I hope Bobby had a wonderful birthday, with many more to come. Peace, love, and Bobby Sherman!

Well after Michelle wrote about the commercial, Isaiah commented on her blog and said he had created a special video just for her. And he did! Check it out:

The fabulous part was that this really was a unique and individual video just for her. It wasn’t just a “Hello Michelle” and then a “Hello Darla” or whoever. When I looked on their YouTube Channel, they had created several unique videos, for various people that tweeted and wrote about them. Brilliant! That’s the way to get some buzz about your product! I don’t know about you, but I haven’t been able to stop watching it.

DH always likes the commercials, especially the first one (“look here, look back”) because he says it was done all in one shot. Impressive. I know we are going to see tons of Isaiah Mustafa in the months ahead, no doubt in his own show. And hey, Isaiah, I’m a writer… and um… I could write some material for you! LOL. Just saying…

I’m a big fan of poetry, but didn’t start reading other people’s work until about a decade ago. Poetry was just this personal thing that I did and kept “for me.” You know? I didn’t talk much about it because I honestly didn’t know anyone else that enjoyed poetry as much as I did, and I thought if I talked about my love of poetry I’d be thought of as more of a geek than I already am! (Good thing self-acceptance comes with age. I’m a geek, alright, so why worry about what people think?)

Jeff posts regularly about poetry related events, poets, and works, and I always look forward to his articles. I encourage everyone to check out my interview with him, and to subscribe to his article feed. You won’t regret it!

We’ve all been there. You can’t wait to leave so you can be home and just let your hair down and ah….. be yourself. This quote describes that feeling perfectly:

“Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.”
― Chinese Proverb

I always try to be polite but still myself – whatever that means. I find sometimes, though, that when meeting new people I am often quiet. To the point where people think I’m boring. In truth, I kind of am. But I “try” to act nice because I don’t want to ruffle any feathers and because it’s way cooler when people like you.

But sometimes they don’t like you no matter what you do. They look for things not to like about you, and then I’m reminded of one of the four agreements which says never take anything personally. The reason? Someone just not liking you for no good reason is all about them and not about you. This quote reminds me of that as well. That when we are trying to be something (even if it’s “super nice”) then we aren’t acting like our true self. Might as well act like yourself and then if they like you…. they like you. If not? There’s nothing you can do about it. (I know… so much easier said than done.)

I also understood her dismay, because I didn’t want to share a title with someone else either. I expressed this to the hiring person and they said it shouldn’t be an issue because there should be enough things to write about. You know what? They were right.

Still, it shocked me a little when I read Susie’s public lament. After all, I wasn’t happy about the situation either, but I sure as heck wasn’t going to complain about her or the company giving me a paycheck. Second of all, I had just started and hadn’t really done much writing yet.

I decided to ignore the whole issue and just write. Since she had not reached out to me, I wasn’t going to send her a message and say, “Hey there… saw you trash me in the forums and just wanted to introduce myself.” Several writers on the site, however, have reached out to me personally, and I’ve been encouraged that not everyone there is like Susie. In fact, I’ve had a great time getting to know quite a few new writers.

I kept doing my job, and as a result, Susie got even more upset, because now I was writing more than she was. In fact, in just over a month I overtook her article total, and she had been there half a year. She decided then to leave snarky comments on my articles. I answered one but then decided to ignore the rest. Then, she started leaving snarky comments under a pseudonym. (After this I’ve no doubt she’ll start using the name “Susie” just to be super mature and because she’s probably a stalker as well as a comment troll.)

There are a couple reasons this behavior makes me laugh. One is that the freelance writing community (especially in the online world) is very small. Many writers on this particular site are also on several other sites. Susie doesn’t write for more than just this one, or she would know if you alienate one writer publicly like she did, you are going to be met with resistance because the majority of writers out there don’t tolerate that behavior. They might not lash out at you right away, but they will remember it.

Another reason her behavior is funny to me is because look at how much time she is wasting on “being mad.” She could put that time and energy into actually writing.

Her behavior brings up a good point, though, and that is sometimes writers are jealous of each other. Being jealous is never productive, people! Trust me, I would love to sell as many books as Dan Brown or have the following that Mary Higgins Clark does, but I’m not them. So why bother being upset about it? I’ll just keep writing and if it’s meant to happen, it will.

Susie’s jealously isn’t unique. I hear writers get pissy with each other, or with people they feel shouldn’t have bestselling novels, and since I’m a sports nut (football to be exact) I started looking at the whole thing as unsportsmanlike behavior. To that end, here are some “Good Sportsmanship Rules” I’ve come up with, especially for writers:

Don’t Compare Yourself to Other Writers

This is a very hard thing to do. After all, writers see the success that others have and we strive for the same thing. To make it worse, some online writing sites list their top performers in terms of pay, pageviews, or comments for the rest of their writers to see. Everyone responds differently to this. Some writers are encouraged and motivated to write more, while some get instantly ticked.

I found this out myself recently when it was revealed by one site I write for that a writer had a record month with earnings. This writer got thousands more than I got, and I was happy for her until I realized she had the same amount of articles as me! I went through a series of thoughts: what the heck?, I should just quit, why am I doing this?, and on and on. Then, my reasonable side kicked in, and I took a look at her articles so I could learn a thing or two. First, she had a completely different topic, one that paid more than mine. Second, her keyword subtitles were much better than mine.

I instantly felt better because I knew I could improve, but also because I realized I didn’t write in her subject area and wasn’t going to. How did that make me feel better? Read on:

Make the Most of Your Writing Strengths

Let’s face it, every writer has a slightly different skill set. Focus your career on what you do best. Many writers try to fit their particular skills into a certain site’s or genre’s qualifications, and then they spend the entire time miserable (and unsuccessful.)

You’re Not Dan Brown, or Stephen King, or Stieg Larsson, or…..

It never fails, that when one writer “makes it big” and has a huge hit, there is some fool who is immediately talking about how he or she doesn’t deserve the success because they “aren’t a good writer.”

Now here’s the thing, another writer’s style may be different than yours, but why begrudge him success? Why compare yourself to his works? Why be hostile with a writer that now has what you want?

There are different kinds of writers, and yay for that. Willa Cather for example, could write about garbage cans and make it so beautiful and compelling that you couldn’t turn away. Other writers have a different tone, method, style. Some are great at characterization and others tell a fantastic story. We all have strengths, and it’s up to us to make the most of them. Trust me, Dan Brown’s book deal isn’t the reason your book or article didn’t make millions.

Now, the publishing business is crazy sometimes. There are books by celebs, joke books, trendy books, whatever, that somehow manage to sell a bunch and surprise people. Even the person who claims he wrote a book and it became an instant success and he was never a writer before… does not deserve your hatred. Let them have their success; it has nothing to do with you. If you don’t like their book then don’t buy it.

If you’re the type of writer that sees another author’s success and thinks, “I could do that so much better….” then do it. If you are honest with yourself, however, you might realize that you could not tell a story like Dan Brown. That’s okay. You don’t have to. Tell your own story. (And be happy for Dan Brown. What did he ever do to you anyways?)

Don’t Look Down Your Nose at Other Writers

Here’s another thing writers love to do sometimes: trash a writer because he is making a living differently than you. I still get comments every once in a while from someone when I tell them I’m a paid blogger. They make a pissy comment because “everybody blogs.” Well everybody might blog but I’m getting paid for it.

When I was writing in entertainment (which I loved and still do occasionally), I’d get the random pissy comment about “writing about celebrities” or “writing about gossip.” My writing career is really varied, and I like that. I like writing about entertainment, celebrities, and dating just as much as I do sports, frugal living, news, and health. Just because another writer’s work isn’t your cup of tea? Don’t trash them.

There are some writers that think you have to only: write novels, write for major magazines, write certain types of articles, etc. There have been threads upon threads in forums where writers attack each other for where and how they choose to work. Don’t be like that. Each writing career is different, and really, what’s it to you if a writer’s career is different than yours?

Don’t Be Pissy About What You Have

Part of the jealousy thing comes from writers who are just plain unhappy with what they have. There are so many options for freelancing and publishing today that writers should never crab about it. After all, how many times does someone tell you they “always wanted to be a writer?” I hear that all the time. I could tell people that “I work long hours, sometimes I struggle to find jobs, I have a novel I need to get published….” wah wah wah….. but I don’t because in the end, all of that stuff sounds cool to other people. That’s because it is. We’re lucky to be able to write. If your career isn’t what you’d hoped it would be, work on changing it. It’s in your power to do so.

Don’t Trash Other Writers

Let’s bring it back to Susie’s example. Susie has probably already rubbed a few people the wrong way simply because she chose to attack. Don’t do that. It will never gain you respect or success. Instead, focus on yourself.

Learn From Other Writers

If you’re feeling a little jealous, take a look at the things that particular writer is doing, and learn from them. Ask them how they got their success. Want more radio interviews? Ask a writer who is always giving interviews. Want better freelance jobs? Find out what other writers do. Want a book deal? Find out how another writer got theirs.

The lesson here is in finding something you can do and apply to your own career. You can’t have exactly the same kind of career as someone else, but you can apply tactics they use. Look at my keyword example above. I learned a lesson and applied it.

I’ll admit, I’m in awe of most writers. I work with so many published authors and successful freelancers that I can’t help but to be inspired. As a result, I am constantly asking writers how they market themselves, how they found agents, how they polish their fiction, how they get more pageviews, or how they got that fabulous job at a large writing outlet. There’s an opportunity to learn something every day.

Market Yourself As If You Are a Huge Success

You know the phrase about assuming things, right? Well that applies to other writers. Every once in a while I get some bozo who wonders why I get an interview or listed on a site, or even, hired by a company to write for them. They act like these opportunities just fall out of the sky into my lap. One guy recently sent me an email after I announced I was featured in a new book with some famous celebrities and he wrote me to say, “You are just so lucky. Man, I wish some of that stuff would happen for me, but some people just get the breaks.”

I don’t know how many times I have to say this, but I market myself constantly. I sit every day and spend a couple hours finding opportunities to sell my writing or expertise. All the time. Not just when I feel like it or when I have a new book out, but all the time. I’m marketing myself as if I was already the success I want to be. I did this from the beginning, even when I had one paying freelance gig and one poetry book out. I have an idea of what I want my writing career to look like, and I market as if I am already that busy, in demand, incredibly successful writer I hope to be. (Right now I have busy… but in demand? Incredibly successful? Not yet.)

What do I mean by marketing? Pitching articles or ideas for radio or TV segments. Not just “I wrote a book” but what kind of knowledge you can bring. Getting involved in writer’s forums and finding opportunities. Getting to know other writers. Contacting bloggers and reporters. Contacting sites and asking them if they can review or list your book. Getting involved in social media – not just to promote your work but to be a valuable part of the system. Someone will contact you if you have established yourself as an expert, not just when you claim you are but when you show them you are.

And on and on…..

Bring Other Writers Up With You

There’s nothing worse than some fool who thinks his success tips must be kept a secret. He won’t share a thing, or does it reluctantly, but then is the first person to ask for help from other writers. Your own success will not suffer if you help promote other writers. Share ideas and opportunities freely. Trust me on this one, when one writer is successful it helps all of us. We can all bring each other up and help promote the craft.

But…. I was glad that I had this pact in place. We agreed that we would paint a picture. She did one in watercolor and I did one in acrylics.Michelle and I made this art pact deal in part because sometimes you need a push to do something creative. I think that’s especially true for bloggers and freelance writers. We work a lot. We don’t keep 9-5 hours sometimes, so we don’t come home after a long day and unwind by doing crafts. We probably should, but we don’t. The professional bloggers I know are pretty driven and do a variety of things.

So having an “art pact” with someone can really help. It’s like having a workout buddy. You might still workout by yourself but if you know there is someone else there waiting for you, you will be less inclined to skip your workout.

This art pact, while it took me two months, was very motivating for me. It helped remind me to step away from the keyboard and use my creativity in a different way. I have the new picture up in our craft room, and it will help to remind me that creativity takes all forms.

Still, people ask me sometimes about this crazy childhood of mine and why I’m not nuts. LOL! Well, first, I did what I needed to do in order to get past my upbringing. I don’t subscribe to the belief that your past defines who you are. You always have the chance to rise above it. It isn’t easy, in fact, it’s more work than you’ll probably ever do in your life, but it’s worth it. Even if you have moments where self-doubt inches its way in your head, you still win because you recognize the patterns of your past and work on changing them.

I used to feel a bit sad on Father’s Day, but I don’t anymore. I look at my life so differently now, and one reason is that I shifted the focus from being “the child of an alcoholic and abusive dad” to “a child of God.” When you look at yourself as a child of God, your entire world changes.

A few years I told the story of me and my dad through poetry. It might seem odd, but to me poetry was really important. It helped lift me out of the dark places in my childhood and created a safe haven I didn’t have. But I couldn’t write the story without thanking God in the process. He is the reason I’m here, without a doubt. I wrote a poem called “Father’s Eyes” that really sums up what I believe my life is all about now. The poem became the title for the book.

FATHER’S EYES

In my father’s eyes
I am lazy
and slow.
I have a long way to go, and then,
I still won’t be close.

In my father’s eyes
I am loud
and sarcastic.
My voice makes a shrill cacophony of chaos,
at last, I had nothing important to say.

In my father’s eyes
I see why
they treat me so.
I deserve it,
I really do.

In my father’s eyes
I am not the answer
for his deep despair.
And so I think,
why am I here?

In The Father’s eyes
I have come so far.
And beauty and happiness
will be my reward
from now until forever.

In The Father’s eyes
You can’t hurt me.
His grace protects me;
His love sustains me.

In The Father’s eyes
I’m His child.
His delight.
He wants me here,
and I belong.

© 2004, Cherie Burbach, from the book Father’s Eyes

One of the positive reviews I received on this poem was in regard to the subtlety of going from my father’s eyes to The Father’s eyes. I think this mirrors exactly what happened in my own life. I realized all I needed to do was look up to heaven to see what kind of child I really was. It was as profound and as simple as that.

If you’re without a dad today, like me, I have this wish for you. Say a prayer that honors your father. Some people idolize their dad, and I don’t think that’s good, because in the end he is still a person. Save the worshiping for God’s feet, but honor your human father for the lessons he taught you and the love he gave.

Of course, if you’re one of those lucky people who had a great dad that happens to still be in your life, give him a hug and tell him how much he meant to you. Know that having a great dad is a blessing.

If your dad wasn’t good to you, say a prayer that asks God to lift you up where you need to be in order to see how special you are. Realize that you have the perfect father shining His grace down on you, and with His help you can be the person you were always meant to be.

So I pretty much have given up and instead use (gasp!) plastic flowers on the patio, and even a few in the yard! LOL! But I also plant bulbs, which I think are truly amazing. Bulbs are like a magic trick to me. You just shove it in the ground and a few months later a flower comes out… and keeps coming out. That’s amazing. And to a non-gardener like me, it’s just too darn fabulous.

So here are some of my favorite bulbs: irises. I love to paint these especially. I like how they look like a ruffled sleeve and when you look really closely they show a whole new set of colors and designs. I also like how they stand so tall against the other flowers.

So here are a couple of my irises. Gorgeous, aren’t they?

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The Singing Bee Is Still on TV

Okay, this might sound dorky, but since when have I ever sounded cool? So why not share. I heart the Singing Bee. I was ever so sad when they were suddenly off TV! But this weekend, DH found them once again. In channel surfing we realized it was now on CMT, and although it’s got a lot of country music in it (which means I don’t know any of the lyrics or songs) there is also a lot of pop, rock, etc. So yay for the Singing Bee!

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A New Bret Michaels Reality Show is Coming

Last night VH1 premiered Bret Michaels’ new show called Life As I Know It. Now, I know I said Bret needs to rest (for deuce sake!) but before these health problems started he began filming a new reality series. Will you watch? You better. It shows him at home and hanging with his girls and being a semi-husband. Good stuff. Filming is stopped now and will resume once Bret is doing better health-wise, but it’s nice to know he is still coming to a reality show near you.

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Hanging at the Bookstore

Is there a place in the world, anywhere in the world, that is more soothing and fabulous than a bookstore? I think not. I did some serious hanging out in there, and was happy to see that What to Do When No One Has a Clue: Advice for the Brave New World was displayed prompting on the new arrivals table! Of course I flipped through it so I could see where I was in it as well as the other participants. Incidentally, one of the authors will be on the CBS morning show tomorrow discussing the book, so be sure to check it out.

As I flipped through the book, I happened to catch an absolutely hilarious conversation in the graphic novel aisle between two geeks. There were arguing about comic book versions and reeked to high heaven. God bless them. I love the geeks.

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Sales, Sales and More Sales

The used book store had tons of stuff on sale, as did Old Navy. Yes, I’m cheap. So what if I love getting five books for $12 and three T’s for $10. So what!

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First Draft of New Novel is Done!

I finished the first draft of my new novel, which really gave me a lot of joy. Now comes massive editing. I have notes I’ve been keeping throughout the writing of the draft, and now I’m ready to add them, make changes, and then do the first (real) round of editing. I love how it’s coming together.

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Movies, Movies, and More Movies

I watched three movies this weekend, which is unusual for me because basically I never sit and just watch a movie. I might have one on in the background, but eventually I get antsy and do other things. I actually sat and watched these. Go figure. First I watched Fantastic Mr. Fox (which I loved – so cute and original), then I watched Avatar (which was visually stunning but also good when I saw it as Dances With Wolves – same movie if you ask me), and finally It’s Complicated (which I loved – I hope they make more of this type of movie in Hollywood – very nice).

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It’s Patio Time

Finally, we set up our patio. In Wisconsin that means it’s officially summer. Can’t argue with that.

How was your weekend?

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Hallelujah

I mentioned “Hallelujah” the other day in reference to Lee DeWyze, but really the one version that gets me is the Jeff Buckley version (below). There is a lot of debate about this song. Especially about the meaning of the lyrics, which have been changed from the original Leonard Cohen version.

People say Jeff Buckley’s performance is more sexual in nature, when the original intent of the song was meant to be more spiritual. I think one reason this song does evoke such strong emotions in people is its a little of both. It’s beautiful and haunting and speaks to the very best and worst of the human soul. I personally lean toward the spiritual side when I hear it.

The lyric that especially gets me is, “It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah.” This, to me, sums up how the Christian life is sometimes. God never said it would be perfect here on earth, and yet in our imperfection we are still beautiful in His eyes. As we go through life and deal with hardships and bad things, can we come out the other side victorious? I say, yes. But chances are we are tired after this long journey, we have dealt with more than we should have and our response might very well not be a hearty “hallelujah” but a “cold and broken” one. A hallelujah that surrenders to God and expresses its thankfulness.

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Somebody to Love

You may think it’s odd that a song by Queen would make me cry, but there’s some background on it. First of all, it was written as a type of prayer. When you know that, you begin to hear this song very differently from a “pop” tune. Again, the words have a lot of meaning for me with this one. I spent a lot of years working long (long, long) hours at jobs I always hated. I thought it’s what I was “supposed” to do, to get approval and be “a good girl.” As I grew up, I pushed away people who were genuinely nice to me. Instead, I sought out the ones who treated me poorly, and that included jobs and managers as much as it did relationships.

As a result, I was lonely. But I didn’t see the pattern I had created for myself, and it wasn’t until I stepped back enough to let God do His thing that I “got” it. Before I got it, though, I got up every day at the crack of dawn, and put work and other people before my health, my social life, my love life, and everything else. I frequently got down on my knees and would cry with confusion at the direction my life had taken. And while I wanted romantic love, what I really longed for was the kind of love and acceptance that lets you believe you’re a good person and deserve happiness. I’ve documented this many times, but just before my dad died I was beginning to “get it.” After he died, I still put someone else before me because I thought it was the right thing to do, but I also made sure I moved forward with my own life. A first for me!

All this confusion and sadness is years behind me now. (I have to say that because every once in a while people think I’m sitting here crying and alone. So very not true!) The reason I still talk about all this is that there are people just like me out there who feel like I used to. I want to make sure they know there is a way out of it all and you can live a happy life going forward.

The reason “Somebody to Love” can make me cry now, is because I remember so clearly what used to be. Years before I even met my husband I “got it” and began to change my life for the positive. But I remember that raw feeling of confusion and hurt, so when I hear these words I can relate to them:

Each morning I get up I die a little
Can barely stand on my feet
Take a look in the mirror and cry
Lord what you’re doing to me
I have spent all my years in believing you
But I just can’t get no relief, Lord!
Somebody, somebody
Can anybody find me somebody to love?

I work hard every day of my life
I work till I ache my bones
At the end I take home my hard earned pay all on my own -
I get down on my knees
And I start to pray
Till the tears run down from my eyes
Lord – somebody – somebody
Can anybody find me – somebody to love?

I hadn’t thought about this song in a long time, and then when I was on my honeymoon, we went to see We Will Rock You. As they sang “Somebody to Love,” I started to choke up. I saw the transformation in my life and it brought me to (happy) tears.

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Question

“Question” by Old 97s is a happy song, but again, sometimes happiness can be so beautiful there is no way to embrace it all without crying. This song tells a sweet and lovely story, about someone asking a girl to marry him. It brings a smile and tear to me every time I hear it.

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Daughters

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out this one for me. I’ve talked about my childhood and some of the things my dad did. The thing is, in an alcoholic family, every person plays a part. So it wasn’t just him. I focus on him because he is gone now, but the reality is that it was more than just him. To that end, there is a lyric or two that really touches me in this song:

Oh, you see that skin?
It’s the same she’s been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she’s left
Cleaning up the mess he made

And there it is in a nutshell. The verbal abuse, the slaps across the face, and the fact that I had nowhere to turn as a girl can be wrapped up in a few simple lyrics. Add to that a haunting melody, and you’ve got a beautiful song that can reach into that hurt you packed away so long ago.

Sometimes songs can just reach you, and they can say it all with a few simple words and melodies. I think it’s a good thing, and if you cry, embrace it.