Did you ever develop a catchphrase that you don’t know where it came from? “Boom. Done.” happens to be mine. It comes about when I have to belabor over a decision either by myself or with someone else. Like me and my hubby or me and a coworker (or, my hubby and I and my coworker and I – little grammatical fix there) belabor over a decision. It doesn’t matter whether they make the final choice or I do, when we’re done talking about it I say, “Boom. Done.”

I noticed that it’s not just during my own decisions that I say this. A friend of mine emailed me about a choice she had to make. We went back and forth with info, and finally I said, “I’d do this. Boom. Done.”

She’s actually the one that pointed out the fact that I said “Boom. Done.” often lately. Where did I pick this up from? I have no idea. Usually I can pinpoint it. I get a lot of catchphrases from my hubby. I have finally gotten over my “dude” catchphrase, which I picked up from him. I even said to my mom one day, “Dude, you gotta try this.” She laughed at me. “Dude?”

**Embarrassed**

Boom. Done. makes me feel like I’m brushing off my hands with a “decision well made” attitude for some reason. Like, we had this choice on our backs and now it’s off. Ahhh. Let’s go have a cup of tea and celebrate.

Boom. Done.

Do you have a catchphrase? Where did you pick it up?

As a Christian, one of the things I struggle with is when you try and work things out with someone when they refuse to meet you any part of the way (let alone half.) What’s worse, these people take the things you do and twist it, or outright lie about it, and then tell others about it who don’t even know you. I’m one of those people who will try again and again with someone like this, especially if it’s someone in your family or a close friend. DH thinks this is just asking to be kicked around. I don’t know if that’s true, but I feel like if I don’t give it my entire effort, I can’t walk away. I will shed tears, pray until I’m blue in the face, and finally, question why God doesn’t let a reconciliation happen. I’ll beat myself up about the whole thing, no matter what the other person does to continue the estrangement, and I’ll do it for years.

I’m not proud to admit that. I definitely don’t think it’s one of my finer qualities. Because while there are people I know instantly not to be around, others are harder to walk away from. Besides all that, people who should open their arms to you and instead treat you poorly confuse me as a Christian. I always go back to “What would God want me to do?”

As part of my evolution as a Christian, one of the most difficult things I’ve had to learn is when to completely let go and leave it to God. I keep thinking God wants me to do more, but when I analyze the things I’ve done I realized I have done all I can. It’s hard when someone tells lies about you and then you, for example, walk in to a new situation where someone doesn’t know a thing about you except what they’ve heard. They might have heard nothing that is actually true, or, things that are partly true but twisted and taken entirely out of context. But it doesn’t seem to matter. You can’t ever get to know anyone because they’ve created this perception of you and that’s how they judge you.

Perhaps God purposely keeps you from people who will continue to hurt you. Why then, do I insist on chasing them? Acceptance? Love? I shouldn’t have to do that for either one of those things, especially not with people that should love and accept you unconditionally.

To really know unconditional love, you have to turn to God. It can honestly be hard to wrap your head around the love God has for us if you’re someone that grew up like I did. Every once in a while you have to say, “I am doing all I can” and realize that God doesn’t want you to chase after people who treat you horribly, no matter who they are.

I have my husband to thank for this realization. That, and God’s word. In the last year especially, I’ve prayed about this a lot. One message from church recently was listening to God as opposed to others. This sounds really simple, but just think of how many people lay expectations on you based on what they think is right. “You should do this,” “this is the right thing to do.” They give you “advice” (unsolicited) to satisfy some displeasure they have had with a way they’ve dealt with a situation in the past, instead of advice that applies to your situation. They can’t give you proper advice when all they’ve heard are lies (but that never stops them from trying), and they tell you what a disappointment or bad person you are because you aren’t doing X. The fact that they don’t know what they’re talking about (or hey, even that it has nothing to do with them) never seems to come up.

The lies are the thing that really get me. I can deal with all kinds of crazy, but when someone decides to lie about you in order to create something for themselves (pity, attention, etc.) it’s confusing for me. I wish I would learn to walk away sooner, but in the past I have just kept trying. A few months ago I tried once again, for the millionth time, to reach out to someone. I was met with silence. It dawned on me then, that this person doesn’t want a reconciliation. This person wants the pity and attention that they receive because of their lies and manipulation. There is nothing more I can do in this particular situation. I’ve let this invade my happiness and that of my family for years. I love these people, which makes it even harder. So I pray that if a reconciliation is in God’s plan, I will have an open heart for it. I pray that they are well and that God will continue to work on all of us.

If you’ve spent years holding on to a situation like this, pray about what God wants you to do. Have you done enough? Do you need to focus on other things now and let Him do His thing? If the answer is yes, then let the anger and fear and hurt leave your heart and mind, and realize that when a reconciliation won’t happen no matter what you have done, maybe it’s God’s way of protecting you. Allow yourself to feel the grief of a relationship ending, because there is sadness to it. But turn to God, and not to those to tell you “what the right thing” is. Listen to God. He’s the only right way I know.

Image: thepathtraveler / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I’ve spoken (probably too much) that in the last couple years I haven’t taken much time off. I think the reason I stress that is because so many people think you have loads of time when you’re a writer. I know a lot of writers that do it for fun or extra income, and for them, yay. For me, I need the income to help support my family, so it’s a business. Which means… work! But I’m not complaining. I love what I do. I worked for years in jobs I hated and to have a few that I love love love? Heaven!

So to make a long story longer, I took some time off during the holidays, which I can’t even remember the last time I was able to do. Hubs had off too, so we had a nice little staycation. I still had to pop into work for some things, but we were able to do some very fun stuff around town, too. We went to:

• Lunch at a bunch of different places.
• An Impressionist exhibit at the Art Museum.
• To see Mission Impossible (which was great to see on the big screen, btw.)
• And other general milling around activities!

I also did some reading, crafting, and writing (of course!) I got the game Ticket To Ride for Christmas, and we had a blast playing that with some people.

On New Year’s Eve, we once again got back to our movie night (which we abandoned for a couple of years because we had company over). We were really looking forward to it this year, and it was probably one of the funnest (is funnest a word?) nights we’ve had in a while. We watched Esther Williams movies (because I just love her), and they were really cute. We also found this awesome deal at the grocery store where they had two steaks and two lobsters (small, but enough to satisfy you) for under $25. We got a grocery gift card for Christmas, so we also picked up a bunch of other items (along with a nice bottle of champagne) so it didn’t cost us a dime! (Is free food and drink better than stuff you pay for? It might be.)

This New Year’s might sound boring to some people, but it was so fun for us. We also had a Bûche de Noël cake (which we got from Trader Joe’s for the unbelievable price of $2.99), which capped the night off nicely.

On New Year’s Day, we watched the Packer game (and they won even with many of the second string in! yay!), watched our traditional movie (Bridget Jones’s Diary, which we watch every year), and wrote in our New Year’s book.

The book is interesting. We started this tradition when we were first dating. We were engaged, and I thought, well wouldn’t it be cool to write a few words that we reflect back on from year to year? (You know me and words…)

DH loved the idea and we’ve been doing it ever since.

Sometimes it’s the small things in life that you can count on that make you most happy. This is one of mine. Every morning, two mourning doves land very awkwardly on the bird bath outside my office window. They are incredibly clumsy, which makes me smile (probably because I am incredibly clumsy myself.) Sometimes they even hit the window on their way to the bird bath. They don’t hit it hard, not hard enough where they hurt themselves, but more like they are trying to squeeze in to the bird bath and their butts slide against the window on the way to it. Again, I can probably relate.

After they sit down on the feeder (kerplunk!), the thing shakes back and forth but they just sit there and smile (in my imagination they do at least) to each other. Like, “Cool! We made it and we’re the first ones!” Then they take a drink or have a little splash in the bath before they go about their day.

I really find joy in this.

I’m not sure if it’s the routine that really gets me, or the fact that I can relate to these slightly less than graceful birds. I also like the fact that these birds generally are monogamous and that both the male and female care for their young. I like that fact that they would not traditionally be considered beautiful, but to me there is something in the way they relate to each other and the world that is beautiful.

I used to post here whenever I had something to say that was related to writing. Now, I’ve sort of moved all my writing thoughts over to the Working Writers blog. So I thought I would share some recent posts in case you’re interested.

• What If Pay Is Negotiable? I get asked quite a bit about how to negotiate a salary with a potential employer so I’ve given my thoughts on this.
• How to Avoid Burnout as a Writer. People who don’t write for a living think you sit at home in your PJs and never really work up a sweat. If you’re starting a writing business, however, it can be long hours and rotten gigs in the beginning. You can easily get a little burned out  – especially when you’re blogging and writing daily.
• Working for a Corporation. If you want to write for a living but still want to work in a corporate environment, you can. I talk about how to pitch and get jobs in a consultant capacity.
• Working Part Time – Writing Part Time. People think it’s all or nothing when it comes to writing, but there are a lot of people who work a part time job and write part time. I did this myself for a while.

I’m always available to answer questions, also. So if you’d like to know something about writing, feel free to ask!

Blessings to all the writers out there!

Image: sxc.hu

I took a break from writing my newsletter for a few months until I decided what I wanted to do with it. I was writing it every month, and I think that got a little overwhelming for people. Instead, I’m going to do it quarterly, and I just sent out my first one.

If you didn’t get this, it’s probably because you’re not signed up. Do you want to be? It’s easy, and will keep you up to date and everything I’m doing. (Because you know you just couldn’t miss a thing. LOL!)

I’m pretty much new to book festivals, so I wasn’t sure what to expect with the Southeastern Wisconsin Book Festival. But a few writer friends asked me if I wanted to pitch in for a table, I said “sure!” I was glad I did. The conference was held Friday and Saturday, June 17-18th. It was set up in almost a trade show format, with spaces for writers to exhibit, lots of panels and lectures, and author signings.

New Connections

Sometimes these places aren’t so much about the books you sell but the connections you make. I enjoyed meeting a few new authors, and finding out what they hoped to get out of the conference. Everyone has a different take on things, and you may find out something you didn’t realize before.

Putting a Face With a Name

This was also a good way to get a visual on some of those people who are my Facebook or Twitter friends who I haven’t yet met in person. I enjoyed seeing Barbara Vey (because who doesn’t love her column – and besides I interviewed her and have wanted to meet her ever since) give a talk on social media along with a panel of writers. Barbara’s take was funny, smart, and right on target. Just like her blogs.

Talking About Your Work

We chat a lot about having an “elevator pitch” and this is something that is very helpful when you’re at a book fair. When people come up to your table, you need to give them the key points of your work quickly and in a way that is interesting. Practice a few lines before you go to one of these things. You don’t want to come off “sales-y” but you do want to be able to intelligently talk about your book.

Planning

This is where I really dropped the ball. My mind was filled up with one of my writing clients, and I even scheduled a meeting for late in the day on Friday to meet with someone else. It was poor planning on my part, so much so that while I was there thoughts of all the client work I still needed to do filled my head. I felt stressed. I wasn’t relaxed and this prevented me from enjoying the experience as much as I should have. It was all on me, too. The conference was great. My fellow writers were great. I was stressed.

In the future, I’ll do a better job at planning. I’ll work ahead with clients and plan out my marketing pieces. I think it’s important to assess what you do right and wrong after every one of these types of things, and this was one area I needed to improve on.

You Find Out What You Already Know

Since I admire writers and love to learn, sometimes I believe that I don’t know as much as I do. It’s not a self-confidence issue, it’s more like I acknowledge that I don’t know everything. You know? So a conference like this can actually help reaffirm what you do already know. I realized I know a lot about blogging, promotion, and social media… and I want to share what I know.

Book Sales!

People buying your books is never a bad thing. One very sweet young girl bought my latest poetry book, New and Selected Poems, and I chatted with her about writing. She already had a good handle on writing poetry, and the number one thing she did was write every day. I suspect I’ll be at one of her book signings one day.

I recently got a chance to meet Brandilyn Collins at a dinner at book signing, and have to say how very impressed I was with her. I couldn’t help noticing a few things she did that would be helpful to other writers. By the way, that’s me (the floating head in the back) along with other wonderful Christian fiction authors, including Brandliyn.

Welcoming

At the book signing for Over the Edge: A Novel, Brandilyn greeted each and every person as they entered the signing. She shook their hand, and told them it was nice to meet them. How different that was than what I’ve usually seen (and done myself!) of sitting behind a desk and just waiting for everyone to get there. She let everyone know personally with a handshake and a smile that she was happy that they were there.

No Hiding Behind the Podium

Brandilyn was out front and center in front of the podium. I’ll admit, that when I did a book signing or talk I loved standing behind the podium because I felt more comfortable. But as an audience member, Brandilyn left an impression by standing in front of the podium to speak. She made it more of a conversation rather than a lecture.

Make Your Subject Interesting

Okay, I didn’t think I’d be interested in learning about Lyme disease, which Brandilyn has experienced and which plays heavily in her book, Over the Edge. But guess what? She MADE it interesting. I was fascinated at the way she talked about the things victims of Lyme disease go through, and how she wove it into her story.

Know Your Brand

Brandilyn described herself as “an entertainer” when she spoke, and she was good to her word, even during her book signing. She kept our attention. As a result, I bought the book and can’t wait to read it. I knew if she could hold our attention so well in her speech, she’d likely do it with her book. I haven’t read any of her other books yet, but you can be sure they are on my TBR list. (That’s “to be read” for all you folks who don’t have a pile of works next to your bed. )

Memorable

You want readers (who get hit with marketing for all kinds of books and authors) to be able to remember you? Be yourself. Let your personality come through. Don’t be afraid to show your passion as well as your compassion. Brandilyn did both, and she stood out as a speaker and writer. I’m not likely to forget her. And here I am writing a post about her, so I’d say she was successful at being memorable. Even if you are able to do one or two of these things at a book signing, it will make you stand out to readers.

Books by Brandilyn Collins:

• Deceit: A Novel
• Always Watching (The Rayne Tour, Book 1)
• Violet Dawn (Kanner Lake Series #1)
• Exposure: A Novel

As we round out 2010, I can’t help but to think of some of my goals. Even if you’re not a “resolution” type of person, I think the end of the year naturally brings with it some time for reflection. Lately, I’ve been thinking about publishing.

The publishing world has changed a lot, even from the time I first did it back in 2003. Today, we can literally write an ebook today and sell it tomorrow. Books take slighter longer, but not much. And when I say “we,” I mean all those people who want to publish themselves. There are times when that is beneficial, and times when patience is a publishing virtue.

The concept of patience, when you have the ability to just whip something out there on the market tout de suite, might seem incongruent but I can assure you it isn’t. There are times when patience is prudent. Not every brilliant word you crank out should be published today immediately or even tomorrow or next week. Sometimes you have to look at timing: of your career, subject matter, publishing method, etc.

I’m no stranger to patience. In 2002, I decided to publish a book of poetry. The poetry, even then, was reflective of times from my earlier life. I was in such a different place that it almost felt odd publishing it. But I wanted to do it for myself. For that reason, I never sent out queries to traditional publishers. I don’t look back on that now and think, oh I should have done it this way… because the point was that I chose to self-publish because it was for myself. (At least, that’s what I thought at the time. I’ve learned since that publishing is for the world. Writing is for you.)

I really hem-hawed with publishing my first book. I was clueless back then as to how to go about it. Sure, I created ebooks and pamphlets for the people I worked for in the corporate world… but that wasn’t the same as publishing. Was it? Turns it, it wasn’t too far off. But in addition to the physical act of publishing a book, there are other things you need to do as well, like promotion and market research. That is, if you want your book to have any kind of success. (And by success, let’s be clear, it means selling copies.)

I wasn’t worried about selling copies of my poetry book, because no one buys them! LOL! I felt no pressure whatsoever, and I think that helped me. Still, I was ready to publish and then held off. I felt like I was rushing it. I felt like the timing wasn’t right for some reason.

I held off until 2003. Then, I talked with a representative from iUniverse. At the time, they were a good option for me. They used Lightning Source, which I learned more about, and they formatted everything and put it up at their store, and then sent you royalty checks. I signed a three-year contract with them. I learned a ton and don’t regret it. The interesting thing is, once again I held off. I was getting married and wanted my new book to be in my new name. So I asked to have my book shelved for several months, until I could release it at the same time I got married. I went through final edits of that book on New Year’s Eve 2003, and it was released in 2004. Even now, when I think of New Year’s Eve, I remember that night when I sent my notes and my final version to them. I remember my (then) boyfriend (now, husband) making us dinner while I worked on my laptop. I remember the feeling of anticipation, and yet, I also remember being glad I waited.

If I had published in 2002 as I originally planned, I wouldn’t have been as educated about the publishing industry and book marketing. When my book came out in 2003/4 I was prepared. I got interviews in some online magazines, I was in the paper, I sold a bunch of copies on Amazon (400 in one month, which is great for a poetry book) and even did a book signing (something I don’t do too often today – because I’m a dork) and at the end of the first year I had sold 1,000 copies. Now for a poetry book? That was really good. I was glad I had waited.

Even then, I had people yelping in my ear about hurrying up to be published. Today, I still have that, only this time it’s for my fiction work. Once again, I’m entering a new publishing area and I’m feeling my way along. I have my own little publishing house now so I could publish my own fiction, but I don’t want to. I have two novels written, one that is mainstream and one that is Christian fiction. I’m exploring options, praying, and reflecting on what I think is the right path for my book, and which will work out best for me and my family.

I’m searching for an agent, but what’s more is I’m searching for the right genre and market place for me. I’m not just looking at trends, or what I can make money at, but what’s right for my brand – the things I represent and am passionate about. I’ve had some wonderful assistance with that this year, and I hope it all continues in 2011. But one thing I know is for sure, I’m willing to wait it out and determine not just the best way to publish, but the best time.

Some people love Black Friday. They can’t wait to get up at the crack of dawn (or earlier) and storm a store in order to find deals. Hey, I’m frugal, but I absolutely do not go to the store the Friday after Thanksgiving. We have a couple people in our family that work retail, and I feel so bad for them. They have to get up at something like midnight the night of Thanksgiving, just so they can make it to work on time by like 2:00 a.m.

Crazy.

So I don’t shop on Black Friday, but I do have a few traditions of my own. Here are some of them.

• Play games. In past years we have had company here for Thanksgiving, and even if we don’t, my family loves games. We always manage to haul out some type of board game while I spend hours kicking their butts enjoying the time we’re spending together.
• Watch movies. Sometimes we have a movie or TV marathon day.  I love that.
• Cook. You’d think after making the turkey the day before I would hate to cook on Black Friday. Not so. I love to make people’s favorite foods, so when I get a request, I whip it up! It makes me happy.
• Craft. Crafting is just something I don’t get enough time to do, so sometimes I like to spend the day getting a few creative projects done.
• Writing. Well duh.  This is something I do everyday.  But on Black Friday, I like the knowledge that I’m toiling away on the computer while others are running each other down in the stores.
• Get ice cream. One of the local ice cream joints here serves this special type of ice cream on Black Friday, which is a mix of other leftover flavors.  Maybe it’s the frugal girl in me, but I love this and usually pick up a gallon.

That’s it for me.  What are you doing on Black Friday?