We’ve all been there. You can’t wait to leave so you can be home and just let your hair down and ah….. be yourself. This quote describes that feeling perfectly:

“Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.”
― Chinese Proverb

I always try to be polite but still myself – whatever that means. I find sometimes, though, that when meeting new people I am often quiet. To the point where people think I’m boring. In truth, I kind of am. But I “try” to act nice because I don’t want to ruffle any feathers and because it’s way cooler when people like you.

But sometimes they don’t like you no matter what you do. They look for things not to like about you, and then I’m reminded of one of the four agreements which says never take anything personally. The reason? Someone just not liking you for no good reason is all about them and not about you. This quote reminds me of that as well. That when we are trying to be something (even if it’s “super nice”) then we aren’t acting like our true self. Might as well act like yourself and then if they like you…. they like you. If not? There’s nothing you can do about it. (I know… so much easier said than done.)

DH laughs at me because I’m such a neatnik, and then… there’s my desk… which isn’t very neat. It’s like my brain goes from left brain mode to right when I’m writing. I have notes piled up on one side of my desk, and then I have essentials like eye drops, hand cream, and Ibuprohen! (And when you work as a writer all day, you definitely need each of those items.)

But the one thing I want to show you was all the junk I have taped to my computer. It might look like clutter but it gives me inspiration. I have quotes, Bible sayings, notes from a fan or two, and even encouragement from other writer up there. The very top of my computer belongs to God. I have three of my favorite sayings up there:

• “The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” (Zephaniah 3:17)
• “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved.” (Acts 16:31)
• “We walk by faith, not by sight.” (2 Corinthians 5:7)

Along the bottom, I have a note from a writer who I interviewed. She wrote to thank me that her traffic was up as a result of this and she was so thankful that I was trying to help other writers. This made me feel good, so I cut out the email and pasted it up. I have a wonderful note from my sister just after we met (because we met later in life – we were both given up for adoption) telling me she thought my poetry was really good and that I should be some kind of inspirational speaker or something.

I have a quote that says, “Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same.” (Francesca Reigler). Also another quote from Mark Twain and yet another personal quote from a friend. Finally, I have a new addition from a writer I really admire who sent me a special note to tell me she loved my “This I Believe” essay. How often do you get a note from a writer you admire telling you they in turn admire your work? That’s pretty cool.

Along the right side, I have a couple special notes that help me stay positive and also one for a friend on how I hope she accomplishes one particular wish of hers.

The reason I paste all this stuff up here is because I sit here day after day, sending out pitches, writing articles, managing blog comments, and sometimes things can get negative. Being a freelance writer means you deal with a lot of rejection. The article you’ve worked for two days pitching may get canceled, you may need to hunt down someone who is stealing your work, you may deal with negative comments, you may get your query letter sent back with a huge “no thanks.” In small doses, it’s no big deal. But on those days when you’re working really hard and feel like a hamster running on a wheel? It can get you down.

Everyone has some way they use to help lift their spirits. In addition to looking at these positive notes on my computer, I also like to call up friends, talk with my spouse, pray, listen to music… or even watch a little mind candy in the form of reality TV. The notes on my computer are a continual reminder that despite all the rejections in the world, I’m doing what I love and I need to just keep going. One setback in the big picture of life isn’t going to throw me off track unless I let it.

When that particular writer sent me the note, I told her that I was going to print it off and stick it to my computer. She said she did something similar, keeping all her positive notes in a file she opened when she needed some encouragement. What do you do when you need some encouragement?

When you SCREAM at her, there’s a man wishing he could whisper in her ear…When you HUMILIATE, OFFEND and INSULT her, there’s a man trying to make her see how wonderful she is. When you HURT her, there’s a man thinking he would die for her. When you make her CRY, there’s a man willing to do anything just to make her smile again. Every woman deserves to be loved and happy, Domestic Violence is WRONG.

Amen to that. Amen.

“In the course of my life, I have often had to eat my words, and I must confess that I have always found it a wholesome diet.”
― Winston Churchill

Foot in mouth disease…. we’ve all been there. Just recently I was cracking (what I thought was) an innocent joke and had a big oops attached to it when I realized the very thing I was joking about had actually happened to someone. Yeah. Not good. I’m sure you can relate. Luckily the person understood my intent and quickly forgave me.

“Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths.”
― Etty Hillesum

Yeah. Me too.

“A good friend is a connection to life—a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world.”
― Lois Wyse

“Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination, full of hope.”
― Maya Angelou

To that end, I came across this quote from him that seems to call up the stories in On Writing.

“You can’t deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants.” ― Stephen King

How very true! Have you ever been somewhere (church, for example) and had a laughing attack that you could not control? About a year ago we were at church and there was a woman behind me that was really belting out the songs. It’s not that she had a bad voice, it’s just that it was loud, slightly off-key, and it lingered far too long on one or two notes. It’s like as soon as she hit the note she really felt comfortable with, she couldn’t let it go. For some reason, this tickled me. I started out chuckling quietly, but the more she belted out the songs the more I laughed. Soon I was in tears, bent over like a freak and gasping for breath. I was laughing that hard. Of course, I’m not proud of these moments. But as Stephen King says, sometimes laughter just grabs you, and won’t let up until it’s darn good and ready.

“There is no need to go to India or anywhere else to find peace. You will find that deep place of silence right in your room, your garden or even your bathtub.”
― Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

It’s hard to say what will bring that deep level of happiness to each and every once of us. It’s not having a lot of money, even though money can definitely bring you an easier life. But like I said, I’ve known some pretty well-off people that just don’t seem to get it when it comes to the happiness department. For me, I believe it all starts with God. When I feel myself getting further and further away from peace, I pray to restore it. That’s what works for me.

What brings you peace?

Sure, but if you’re like me, you have to have faith. Faith in God is my compass. Truly. If you knew me well, you’d know I am a natural born cynic. I never even believed in Santa or the Easter Bunny. Never! Even as a kid. To this day I will dispute any claim from the right or left, conservative or liberal. I’m not only middle of the road, I’m cynical of everything. That makes it sound as if I’m either arguing with everyone or I have no opinions or don’t care, doesn’t it? I can assure you that’s not the case either.

The point is, I am a questioner of the world. I wonder about things and always have to figure out why. But with my belief in God? I never questioned it. Never. Not even as a kid. I believe in Him with all my heart. (Incidentally, I take no credit for this because it’s all His doing.) I can feel God’s presence in my life and always did. I am grateful to Him for this. When I say, as I did in my book Father’s Eyes, that I’m grateful he sought me out, I say that not as a bragging point but as a way of showing thanks. He’s the one that loves us first so we can love and get to know Him.

By now you might be thinking that when bad things happen, I immediately say amen and thanks for the lessons. However, I don’t. I rely on my faith to figure it all out, and when I can’t figure it all out, I rely on my faith to guide me to a place where I can move on. I know some people that never seem to have a bad day (on the outside at least.) They never get frustrated, never say, “What the deuce!” When something negative hits they put a smile on their face and say there has to be a reason.

Well I agree, there is a reason. I don’t always know what the reason is, and when I don’t, I feel frustrated. Wouldn’t be great to have the knowledge that God does? One of the things about faith that no one seems to talk about is that it’s okay to call on God when we are frustrated. Trust me, He can take it. It’s okay to turn to Him and ask him what the heck is going on. You might not always have a clear answer, but what you will have is a sense that you can move on despite this setback. You might not realize the reason you lost that job or didn’t meet the right person or had your friend turn away from you now, but you probably will at some point. That’s the thing about God, He’s got his own time line! Sometimes it doesn’t mesh with ours. But who knows what’s best? (You know my answer to this.)

When I’m completely overwhelmed, as I was this week, I do a couple things. First, I let myself feel sad, cry, and wallow for a short time. A short time is the key. Wallowing for the sake of wallowing is no good. But letting out those tears? Hey – don’t fight it. This is something I’ve learned over the years. I used to think that crying was useless and a waste of time, so I would stuff my tears. And I did, for years and years. Then my dad killed himself and suddenly the tears that I stuffed came flying out and didn’t go away. I cry more now because I accept that it’s part of who I am. I cry at sad movies. I cry when I feel pain. I’m not one of those people who sit around and bawl, but if the tears come, I go with it. God gave me emotions, why should I fight it? For Pete’s sake, some people are just built that way!

So go ahead and cry for a short time. Then, reach out. Don’t sit locked away and try to “tough it” out. This is a huge lesson I’ve learned over the years too. The old Cherie would be a toughie so no one thought anything was ever wrong. Once again, my father’s death was a huge lesson for me in all this. I learned that “being strong” doesn’t mean you can’t lean on friends. Pick your friends wisely, people! Because they have the power to lift you up, or sadly, sometimes bring you down. Sometimes you meet someone at a certain time in your life, and you think they are funny or interesting, and you befriend them. But when you need a kind word? A bit of understanding? They’re not only absent but make it worse. They might not mean to, and that’s okay… or they definitely mean to, and that’s not okay.

This is where faith comes in again. You got problems? Reach out. God will make sure there’s someone there. But if you’re a “toughie” sitting in a room by yourself refusing to talk to people? He can’t get the people there. You’ve got to work with Him in order to benefit from this great thing He does.

So let’s recap: First, cry. Second, reach out. Third? Move on. Now you really need to just get over it. You’ve had your cry, which may have been on your friend’s shoulder, and now you need to make the effort to get over it. Why? Because if you stay in this place of sadness it will bring you much further down that the setback did. Don’t let it do that. Make an effort to do something that will move you forward. It won’t be easy at first, and it will be different for everyone. It may mean getting over that old boyfriend, applying for a new job, figuring out a new way to get what you need, getting more information…. whatever. Sometimes it’s just a matter of getting out and talking to people. Yesterday I went to the dentist and had a new person work on my teeth. She just randomly started talking to me about something she’s dealing with, and ‘lo and behold if it wasn’t the same thing I was. She had a different perspective, different information. She made me look at my own situation differently. She gave me hope that perhaps my situation will work out, although not at all like I had originally imagined it would.

Staying positive doesn’t mean you are a robot or Stepford wife sitting there with a stupid smile on your face. But it does mean you look at your life with hope, that you realize the gifts you’ve been given, and you thank God. That thankfulness part is a big one for me. When I start to whine and think, “why me,” well I just get down on my knees. There are times I actually pray like, “Wow, I am so stupid. Sorry about that. Please help me look at it differently next time.” God is a great reality check. Not only does He remind you that it’s going to be okay but He also lets you see all those things that are so very good in your life. You can’t be stuck in a place of sadness when you’re grateful. That’s the secret of thankfulness, it actually helps you move on.

You might think by now that staying positive is a bit of work. Well… duh. Anything in life worth doing is a bit of work. But whining? Wallowing? Those are work too. There’s a quote I keep up on my computer by Francesca Reigler that says:

“Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same.”

Don’t I know it.