I’m a big fan of poetry, but didn’t start reading other people’s work until about a decade ago. Poetry was just this personal thing that I did and kept “for me.” You know? I didn’t talk much about it because I honestly didn’t know anyone else that enjoyed poetry as much as I did, and I thought if I talked about my love of poetry I’d be thought of as more of a geek than I already am! (Good thing self-acceptance comes with age. I’m a geek, alright, so why worry about what people think?)

Jeff posts regularly about poetry related events, poets, and works, and I always look forward to his articles. I encourage everyone to check out my interview with him, and to subscribe to his article feed. You won’t regret it!

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Hallelujah

I mentioned “Hallelujah” the other day in reference to Lee DeWyze, but really the one version that gets me is the Jeff Buckley version (below). There is a lot of debate about this song. Especially about the meaning of the lyrics, which have been changed from the original Leonard Cohen version.

People say Jeff Buckley’s performance is more sexual in nature, when the original intent of the song was meant to be more spiritual. I think one reason this song does evoke such strong emotions in people is its a little of both. It’s beautiful and haunting and speaks to the very best and worst of the human soul. I personally lean toward the spiritual side when I hear it.

The lyric that especially gets me is, “It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah.” This, to me, sums up how the Christian life is sometimes. God never said it would be perfect here on earth, and yet in our imperfection we are still beautiful in His eyes. As we go through life and deal with hardships and bad things, can we come out the other side victorious? I say, yes. But chances are we are tired after this long journey, we have dealt with more than we should have and our response might very well not be a hearty “hallelujah” but a “cold and broken” one. A hallelujah that surrenders to God and expresses its thankfulness.

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Somebody to Love

You may think it’s odd that a song by Queen would make me cry, but there’s some background on it. First of all, it was written as a type of prayer. When you know that, you begin to hear this song very differently from a “pop” tune. Again, the words have a lot of meaning for me with this one. I spent a lot of years working long (long, long) hours at jobs I always hated. I thought it’s what I was “supposed” to do, to get approval and be “a good girl.” As I grew up, I pushed away people who were genuinely nice to me. Instead, I sought out the ones who treated me poorly, and that included jobs and managers as much as it did relationships.

As a result, I was lonely. But I didn’t see the pattern I had created for myself, and it wasn’t until I stepped back enough to let God do His thing that I “got” it. Before I got it, though, I got up every day at the crack of dawn, and put work and other people before my health, my social life, my love life, and everything else. I frequently got down on my knees and would cry with confusion at the direction my life had taken. And while I wanted romantic love, what I really longed for was the kind of love and acceptance that lets you believe you’re a good person and deserve happiness. I’ve documented this many times, but just before my dad died I was beginning to “get it.” After he died, I still put someone else before me because I thought it was the right thing to do, but I also made sure I moved forward with my own life. A first for me!

All this confusion and sadness is years behind me now. (I have to say that because every once in a while people think I’m sitting here crying and alone. So very not true!) The reason I still talk about all this is that there are people just like me out there who feel like I used to. I want to make sure they know there is a way out of it all and you can live a happy life going forward.

The reason “Somebody to Love” can make me cry now, is because I remember so clearly what used to be. Years before I even met my husband I “got it” and began to change my life for the positive. But I remember that raw feeling of confusion and hurt, so when I hear these words I can relate to them:

Each morning I get up I die a little
Can barely stand on my feet
Take a look in the mirror and cry
Lord what you’re doing to me
I have spent all my years in believing you
But I just can’t get no relief, Lord!
Somebody, somebody
Can anybody find me somebody to love?

I work hard every day of my life
I work till I ache my bones
At the end I take home my hard earned pay all on my own -
I get down on my knees
And I start to pray
Till the tears run down from my eyes
Lord – somebody – somebody
Can anybody find me – somebody to love?

I hadn’t thought about this song in a long time, and then when I was on my honeymoon, we went to see We Will Rock You. As they sang “Somebody to Love,” I started to choke up. I saw the transformation in my life and it brought me to (happy) tears.

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Question

“Question” by Old 97s is a happy song, but again, sometimes happiness can be so beautiful there is no way to embrace it all without crying. This song tells a sweet and lovely story, about someone asking a girl to marry him. It brings a smile and tear to me every time I hear it.

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Daughters

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out this one for me. I’ve talked about my childhood and some of the things my dad did. The thing is, in an alcoholic family, every person plays a part. So it wasn’t just him. I focus on him because he is gone now, but the reality is that it was more than just him. To that end, there is a lyric or two that really touches me in this song:

Oh, you see that skin?
It’s the same she’s been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she’s left
Cleaning up the mess he made

And there it is in a nutshell. The verbal abuse, the slaps across the face, and the fact that I had nowhere to turn as a girl can be wrapped up in a few simple lyrics. Add to that a haunting melody, and you’ve got a beautiful song that can reach into that hurt you packed away so long ago.

Sometimes songs can just reach you, and they can say it all with a few simple words and melodies. I think it’s a good thing, and if you cry, embrace it.

I answered the question, “Is is okay to blog about the person you are dating?” I won’t reveal my answer, you’ll just have to get the book (which releases May 11, 2010) to see it for yourself.

Another cool factor is how many celebs are in the book. Internet pioneer Arianna Huffington (founder of the Huffington Post), designer Badgley Mischka, Rick Bayless (winner of Top Chef Masters) Anita Lo (Top Chef Masters contestant) and Pepper Schwartz, PhdD (who started the Internet dating site Perfect Match.com.) Perhaps my two favorites in the book are Countess LuAnn de Lesseps and Bethenny Frankel (I’m a true Real Housewives of New York City fan!)

Even better, my question and answer falls on the very same page as Patti Stanger, who I absolutely love in the Millionaire Matchmaker!

It was all great fun so I thank authors Stephanie Pierson and Barbara Harrison for inviting me to take part!

Of course, if I indulged her all the time I’d never get anything done. But I do think adding her to my life has really helped me to not sit at my desk the entire day without taking a break. I tend to get very focused when I’m working and will have a hard time taking a break to get some exercise or even eat. I just like working. So it’s good that Genevieve will force me to stop what I’m doing from time to time.

One of the things Gen loves doing is playing fetch. We throw one of her toys (in the pictures, you’ll see the blue plastic tire) and she chases it and brings it back. She loves doing this, and it works out well for us because she gets the exercise she needs as well. She runs back and forth, and it gives us both a chance to get outside and enjoy this freelance life I have. She is a “welcome interruption” to my world!

What helps you take a break from the insanity of the day?

My schedule is usually different day to day, although there are some routine things about it. Before I tell you about it, I have to recommend Yaro Starak‘s post about how his days go. Yaro makes his money from the Internet, so he shares the type of schedule that other work at home folks do. (Except he’s incredibly successful and makes tens of thousands of dollar a month.) Yaro seems like a cool guy, so that’s one reason I interviewed him at Working Writers. He also makes a good living and is independent, something every writer can learn from.

Anyhow, I’m usually at my desk by 7:30 each morning. I’m not at all a morning person, so I get up about fifteen minutes before this. I can barely function in the morning, and find that searching for jobs first thing really helps center me. It’s something I used to do even before I was a full-time freelancer and even before I did a daily job listing at Working Writers. Searching for jobs (even when my schedule is full) is something that really motivates me. After I post the listings I’ll usually check email, Facebook, Twitter, and then log off and either shower or work out, depending on how my schedule is.

I always work on client projects next before my personal stuff. I take a look at deadlines, do what I need to, and by then it’s usually lunch time. I tend to eat at my desk. I always did this, even when I worked at a “real” place. During lunch I may continue writing, check the online news outlets, scan my stats from the day before, or play online Scrabble. I’m a huge Scrabble freak, and I will kick your butt if we ever play. Trust me on this!

After lunch I do some more client work, make some calls to prospect for work (which I absolutely despise), send out letters of introduction, or work on my own projects. My own stuff includes my personal blogs, books I may be writing, marketing my work, or looking for new ways to monetize my blogs. I also take a break and let my dog out, play with her, run to the post office, or do errands. When that’s done, I do some more work on my blogs or client projects.

After that I take a break and make dinner. We eat, clean up, and depending on how my day has gone, I may wrap it up for the day or continue working. Most weeknights you’ll find me plunking around on the laptop at night while I watch TV. Sometimes I do crafts at night.

This is my weekday schedule, and you may have noticed that there is an incredible amount of flexibility. That means my day is usually very different during the week. I have the flexibility to do lunch with a friend or pop in and work at a coffee shop sometimes, but it usually needs to be planned out. I rarely just take off and goof off without prior planning. I probably should, but I don’t. I also end up working a bit on weekends.

The other thing is, when I do client work, sometimes I still have flexibility, but I schedule time to do it because if I don’t I just will never get it done. I have a couple places I write for where my schedule is my own, and that’s good because I can fit in projects when I don’t have other deadlines. But if I don’t? I end up doing things at the last minute even though the requirements are flexible.

Now you know what it’s like to have a freelance writing schedule! (Sort of.) Does anything about this schedule surprise you?

I had no idea. I asked her what she meant, and she seemed surprised that I wasn’t tracking it online. When she told me it was the second-most popular out of about 20,000, I nearly fell out of my chair. I shared this news when my husband came home and added that “someone named Penn” had the most popular entry. He was already familiar with it, and said, “that’s Penn Jillette.” I shrugged, okay, but still didn’t know who he was talking about. It didn’t matter to me because I was so excited that my essay had done so well.

A few nights later we were watching Identity, and my husband said, “There’s your number one guy, Cherie.” Again (duh….. ) I didn’t know what he meant. He goes, “Penn Jillette? From Penn and Teller? That’s him,” and points to the screen. Well now I was even more surprised that my essay did that well! Because Penn was (is) famous and who the heck knows who I am? Even more cool that the words resonated. So to see the essay had staying power all these years later, with thousands of additional essays added to the mix? Amazing.

The essay was a personal one for me. I write about my past because I want to help people just like me know that they can be happy. That concept may sound simple to those of us that are happy now, but if you’ve struggled a lot in your life or been through some terrible things being happy doesn’t come easy. That’s why I don’t get too upset when someone doesn’t like my writing. Not everyone will relate to it, and that’s okay. I’m searching for the ones that will relate, because there are a lot of them out there.

Quite a few people have actually contacted me after reading the essay, which is just about one of the best things ever. I am thrilled each and every time someone tells me they enjoyed it, related to it, understood, and the like. So thanks once again to each and every one of you who read the essay and made it popular. It means a lot to me that you did.

I have a list like that. This list is different than the stuff I want to do in any given year (because again, that would imply that I had some control over it), and it’s different than my list of goals. Here are some of my “cool stuff if it happened” things:

Become a Cartoon Voice

This has been my secret desire for a long time! I doubt this would ever happen, but I think it would be sah-weet if it did. It’s not like I’m auditioning for anything. In fact, while I’ve also had the secret desire to do voice work, I still have never even put together a demo. I’d say my voice is a bit too high, Midwestern, and actually bugs the heck out of me. But I love reading so that’s why I think this would be fun. (As an aside, if you’re really interested in what I sound like, I’ll be doing a radio interview next month for my virtual blog tour.)

Become an Answer on Jeopardy

I mentioned earlier that Jeopardy was one of my favorite all-time game shows. But what would be really cool? If I could be an answer on it. It would have to be a cool answer too. Something related to my writing would be awesome. When I interviewed Whitney Lyles for Working Writers that was one of the things I asked her! I couldn’t help myself. I had to know what it felt like to be an answer on Jeopardy. (For the record? Whitney said it was “so cool.”)

To Recite the Cover Girl Tag Line for a Commercial

Maybe it’s the reading thing again, but I love the Cover Girl tag line, “easy, breezy, beautiful…. Cover Girl.” I love it so much I want to say it on TV. Did you hear that Cover Girl? I want to say your tag line because I would be awesome at it! (Or at least, I think I would.) Every time I watch America’s Next Top Model and one of the girls messes up, I scream at the TV, “easy, breezy, beautiful…. get it right!”

Write a Song

This is another one of those things that I envision as cool, but will somehow never do anything about it. That’s why it’s on this list instead of my “goals” list. I’d love to write a song with someone, but it would have to be with one of my secret favorites like Bret Michaels. What would the song be about? Well, I don’t know…. but I did once write a poem about verbal abuse that my husband said was a “heavy metal rock song waiting to be made.” So I imagine it would be a real happy schmappy tune!

Have Poetry Read to Me by Maya Angelou

Okay, again, I have never met Maya Angelou. I don’t know her. I doubt she would read her work just for me, but if that would happen it would indeed be very cool. I know Oprah is friends with her. But since I don’t know Oprah, I guess that’s out, too. I just know that I am in love with her poetry and her voice. It’s amazing.

I could go on… and probably will in another blog post. But that’s about enough for now. What are your “it would be cool if it happened” things?

To that end, I interviewed Jennifer Brown Banks back in August over at Working Writers. She’s a poet and you know that I love poets, right? You know that I think the world needs more poets, right? Right?

But the other great thing about my interview with her is that she is now doing a series on her Pen and Prosper blog called “the roar series” (as in writers hear us roar”) and she graciously asked if I wanted to be interviewed. I said, “yes please!” She really asked some great questions, too. The very first one had me thinking: “If your life story or your philosophy could be captured in a book title or famous first line, what would it be?” Find out my answer to that and her other questions, and don’t forget to leave a comment and let Jennifer know how much you enjoy her wonderful blog.

I try and indulge my upset-ness (which, btw, I am well aware is not really a word) and turn it into something. I think I get this from my grandma, who was never idle a day in her life. She “worked out” her frustrations and happy situations the same way: by cleaning. I do this too. But I also do some others, depending on what I’m upset about and how much anger I’m trying to get rid of. So here’s what I do.

Cleaning

This is by far my husband’s least favorite way for me to work through my frustrations. Mostly, probably, because I pull him into it, too. I will walk in a room and announce that “it’s a pig sty!” and let the cleaning begin. Also because he thinks my cleaning routines are little too much anyways, so when I really go at it when I’m upset he worries about me. He shouldn’t. Cleaning makes me feel good.

One thing I like about it is that no matter how messed up your world, you can at least get your physical space in order. How can you be upset when your refrigerator is organized properly and your bathroom has everything in its place and your closets are like an organizer’s dream? You can’t.

Writing Poetry

Some people write letters when they are angry that they don’t plan on sending. I don’t write when I’m angry so much, but when I’m hurt or upset I pour it all out. I never aim to write poetry when I’m upset, but my brain just works that way. I begin to think of metering first, and the words naturally come to fit nicely in the metered rhythm. This routine soothes me. It’s like someone singing a favorite song to me, it makes me move past any negativity. I don’t always keep or publish everything I write, though. But I enjoy the lyricism of poetry so I never feel like my time is lost.

Crafts

A lot of my fellow bloggers at b5 are some of the most amazing craftspeople in the business. They blog, craft, write books, have art exhibits, and more. So talented. So we’ve all been talking a lot about doing some crafts during these days while we are all upset. There is something very soothing about creating something beautiful with your hands. Every once in a while I type in #arttherapy in Twitter just to see what comes up. The craft projects people work on make me smile.

Crafts were my chosen method of working out my frustrations this weekend. I’m working on a few items that I’ll show here in a bit. I love working with tools when it comes to crafts. So I’m doing some soldering and embossing for two different projects. One thing I never do anymore when I’m upset is paint pictures. I used to paint a lot, but when I was angry I felt that this negative emotion actually showed in my work. I once painted a picture of birds and I swear each bird had a scowl on its face! Not good.

Baking

This is my husband’s favorite way for me to work out frustrations. I love baking, and when I’m upset I get into a baking frenzy. I make a ton of items, which, after completion I never want in the house. So he takes them to work. (I’ve heard that his coworkers enjoy this way of me working through my frustrations.) Before I was married, I worked with a few crazy people that were trying to get on my last nerve, and I baked every single night. Then I’d bring it in my baked goods. It got to the point where people were actually waiting for me to come in some mornings. They’d have concern on their faces, “How was your night?” and then they’d immediately grab my item (bread, cake, cookies) and head off into the kitchen. How can you stay frustrated when that happens?